The EXPAT SECRET Nobody Tells You About!

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My name is Niall Mackay, host of A Vietnam Podcast, where my guest and I share meaningful stories and insights about Vietnam. Rachelle is one of my recent guests, and now she’s back to a Saigon Sunday Session. We have a very delightful and casual chat at 86 Proof, one of my favorite cocktail bars. You can listen to her stories and background in the last episode: Cocktails, Culture, and Courage — Rochelle Nguyen’s Journey from Refugee Roots to Saigon Icon

Vietnam is a fascinating country with its own set of unique customs and cultural norms, especially for expats. From the lively dating scene to the whirlwind traditions of Vietnamese weddings, there are plenty of “unwritten rules” that can catch foreigners off guard.

In this blog, I’ll share highlights from my conversation with Rochelle Nguyen at 86 Proof, where we explored these topics with plenty of laughs and some eye-opening insights.

Unwritten Rules: Datings in Vietnam

When it comes to unwritten rules for expats in Vietnam, dating is one area that has plenty of them. I sat down with Rochelle Nguyen at 86 Proof to talk about this, and she had some great insights—especially for the guys.

The first thing Rochelle pointed out is that dating apps are a paradise for men in Vietnam. “If you’re a five back home, you’re a seven here,” she said, laughing. Western men, in particular, often receive more attention here than they’re used to. This wasn’t always a positive, though. Many guys failed to recognize when they were being flirted with. Rochelle shared stories about men sitting at bars, convinced they were hopelessly single, while a woman was trying to catch their attention right next to them.

I even shared my own experience. One night, my wife Adrie and I were at Layla, a cocktail bar. An attractive woman caught my eye and seemed to make a move just as Adrienne stepped away. I panicked, wondering how to handle the situation politely. Turns out, all she wanted was to borrow my power bank. I was so nervous for nothing! Rochelle found this story hilarious and said it was classic me—missing the obvious.

Another dating quirk? Group dates. It’s not uncommon for someone to show up with a couple of friends, expecting the guy to pay for everyone. Rochelle saw this a lot at 86 Proof. “First dates and Tinder dates are the best entertainment,” she joked. She’s watched guys’ reactions when a “gaggle” of friends shows up—confusion, disappointment, and sometimes outright retreat.

More Expat stories: Vietnamese Roots, German Beginnings – Embraces Your Identity with Trang Nguyen

Unwritten Rules: Visit Home During Tet

Rochelle also explained a cultural difference that can trip up expats: the assumption that dating means commitment. In Vietnam, going on a few dates often signals a relationship. Westerners, however, usually take longer to define exclusivity. She advised expats not to visit their girlfriends/boyfriend’s homes during Tet. Rochelle shared a cautionary tale about an expat who visited his girlfriend’s family during Tết. Unbeknownst to him, this was seen as a declaration of engagement, and wedding plans were set in motion. He had to call it off—suit fittings and all—just before the ceremony.

Dating in Vietnam has its challenges, but it’s also an adventure. As Rochelle put it, “My friends who visit for a few months love it here. It’s different, but that’s part of the fun.”

Vietnamese Weddings and Traditions

Vietnamese weddings are a completely different experience from Western ones. I’ve only been to one, but it left a lasting impression. Western weddings are all about the party—dinner, dancing, and celebrating until late into the night.

But at the Vietnamese wedding, I attended, things wrapped up surprisingly quickly. We had a lovely meal, and then suddenly, the tables were empty. Everyone had left, even before dessert! Rochelle explained that this is normal. Vietnamese weddings are efficient. Guests show up late, enjoy the food, and leave soon after. “Wham, bam, uncle singing, and then it’s done,” she said, laughing.

Rochelle also shared her experience attending a countryside wedding earlier this year. Her husband Jason was part of the bridal party, and she unexpectedly found herself a bridesmaid. Being much taller than the other bridesmaids, Rochelle struggled with traditional outfits that didn’t fit well. “I was sweating in 40-degree heat,” she said, “and every uncle wanted a selfie with me.”

One thing I’ve heard about countryside weddings is how much rice wine is involved. Rochelle confirmed this but said it’s mostly the men who are targeted. “Every uncle wants to take a shot with the Westerner,” she said. Guests are often advised to fake their shots or dilute their drinks with ice to survive the endless rounds of toasts. Rochelle told me about people who’ve woken up in fields after being overwhelmed by the hospitality—and the rice wine.

Weddings in Vietnam are more than just celebrations; they’re cultural experiences. From the swift efficiency of city ceremonies to the hearty (and sometimes chaotic) countryside traditions, they offer a unique glimpse into Vietnamese life. Rochelle’s stories had me laughing and also feeling grateful that I’ve only attended one so far. I’m not sure I could handle 30 shots of rice wine!

Final Thoughts

Living as an expat in Vietnam is full of surprises. From navigating the dating scene to surviving a countryside wedding, every experience teaches you something new about the culture. Conversations like the one I had with Rochelle at 86 Proof remind me how important it is to laugh, learn, and adapt.

If you’re interested in stories related to Vietnam, follow for more episodes!

195 thoughts on “The EXPAT SECRET Nobody Tells You About!”

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